Yesterday I returned Doug to the store. Technically I shouldn't have been able to since I couldn't find my receipt, but I told the guy who helped me in the first place the whole story and he put a quarter on the counter and took the bag Doug was in and returned him to the fish tank he came from.
Oh right, I forgot to write about this. The night before I returned him, I found Gomez with open wounds and Doug right there ramming into them. Obviously Doug caused them because since I took him out of the tank and returned him, Gomez hasn't had as many stress signs. Though He is still acting a little mopey. I would too if I had wounds on my ass I couldn't do anything about.
Work has been insanely slow this week, we had a small office party last night but other than that it's been very weak tipping time. I'm lucky if I walk out with 15 dollars in my pocket.
I saw in the college job newsletter email that Laika is looking to fill a storyboard position. I got all kinds of excited seeing as I got to do a mini interview with them at school when I realized, oh yeah, I kind of suck at boards. Not only that, despite having multiple projects from different board classes I don't actually know where any of mine are. I mean, they kind of blow but at least they're something. I don't particularly mind boarding but I don't think I could do it for a job. With all the sequential kids from school also getting that email, my chances would be extremely slim anyway.
I think the whole Cartoon Network situation this summer killed my ambition to do anything with animation. I feel like anything I could have done would have been jump started by it and because I wasn't able to do the internship I'm fucked because I don't actually know what I'm doing. Every once and a while I think about the whole situation and ask myself if maybe there was a way I could have done it. Maybe if I was more forceful or if I took out another loan, if I begged other family for money or begged SCAD to push me into a summer class so I could still be considered a student. I only had two or three weeks to figure everything out, maybe I should have tried harder and not given up. I feel like I was given an obstacle I could have overcome but I was too intimidated to even try to overcome it.
I really hate how my life is pretty much guided and determined on how I guilt myself into doing or not doing things, then second guess my decisions after everything is done with.
On top of it, I'm doubting my own work like crazy lately. Should I be using more line? Should I try a more detailed style, should I become more graphic? When I work on these it doesn't take me very long, should I be troubled by that? Am I not taking enough time, am I not putting in enough effort? Am I making things so simple they are uninteresting and unimpressive?
Honestly I am not the biggest fan of my own work, I accidentally make everything kind of cutesy and I find that pretty obnoxious. Even when I doodle dirty stuff, I somehow make it all sunshine and butterflies. How the fuck do I do that?
How did I make hobo blow jobs adorable?I'm beating myself up a lot lately if I don't draw something I could bring to a somewhat finished end once a day. Lately I haven't been drawing once a day, period. I've just run out of steam. Days keep blending together and it doesn't help that my sleep pattern is completely fucked. I'm tired but not sleepy, I don't wind up falling asleep until 7 or 8am and sleep until 12 or 1 when my alarm goes off so I can get ready for work. Every time I try and wake up earlier to reset my schedule I wake up and just turn it to the regular time, figuring I don't have anything to do or anyone to see anyway, so why the hell get up early anyway?
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
